Memories that didn’t fade away!

1] Enjoying the unreal secrecy of being in a recluse spot Cheta and I embarked on one of the courageous stunts of our childhood. On the garage floor, where my maternal uncle’s white ambassador car was parked, we found a half smoked beedi thrown away by our house help Kuttappan. It wasn’t put off yet. Cheta very daringly picked it up and took a couple of puffs. I was indeed a tattler but for once I couldn’t fight the urge to try it myself. So I did! My first encounter with - a beedi at the age of 10 if I am not wrong. Over the years my brother graduated to a cigarette and still adds to the tobacco sector’s profits.

2] I remember staying up the whole night with my friends; I think their names were Preeti and Pinky, who had come home to spend the night. We ate a whole lot of peanut butter and bread and we stayed up just to watch the sunrise. That was the only time I witnessed a sunrise in Saudi Arabia. In a strange way, being in a country stifled by restrictions, at that moment basking in the beauty of the golden sun I felt free, really free. I was too young to understand that feeling then, but today I appreciate it.

3] While exiting from the atrium of the mall Crossroads in Mumbai 6 years back, he held my hand for the very first time. A smile crossed my face and if I close my eyes I get transported to that exact moment when my heart was brimming with a joy so innocent that it makes me smile even today.

4] My despair as a child, my despair to be the most special person in at least someone’s life. Curled up in that secret corner in our one bedroom apartment in Jankalyan, tears were running down my cheeks. Attempting to figure out in whose heart did I hold a special place? And..The quest continues or did it just end?

Irony :)

From the remains of the cold rises the flame of today

Piercing through the source, an endless Monday.

The continuation of a feeling once left behind,

Not a surprise, as that's the price for my find.

Longing for the unexpected and running from the known,

Reached a crossroad that I was already shown.

Learning to live an experience that I learnt to forget,

Yet No place for pain No place for regret!

Just a Mere Spectator

Not a victim, a mere spectator,
Not a star but a collector.
A collector of what you ask,
Of hopes, dreams and aspirations,
Of those unfulfilled promises, of those broken commitments.
But, am not a victim, just a mere spectator.
I watch the seasons come and go,
In spring with flowers, so does the sadness grow.
In summer with heat, the heart burns in defeat.
What do I say about winter, when tears freeze not ready to surrender.
But, am not a victim, just a mere spectator.
A spectator of what you ask,
Of a life that will unfold - Happiness to counter stifling pain,
And Goodness for the memory to maintain.
Oh how I love being a spectator
For after every fall, my strength I regain!

Black Rose

Betrayed the heart, Betrayed the soul,
Oh black rose you betray them no more.
They have left you behind - your sinful goodness hurt them all.
Black is darkness, it is a hole, Black is you, The devil within all.
Good wins over evil yet again,
Yes Black Rose, you fail in the bargain.
Who are you, What are you?
These questions still remain.
Manifestation of evil, the product of loss and pain.
Destined to be admired by the dark forces.
You are the companion of loneliness.
Live black rose as life has eternal nights in store for you.
Live in your unholy land till your thorns prick you too,
Love, Sympathy, Compassion are oblivious of your existence.
Only I, the mother of vice see you for what you are.
Drown in your coldness - That is your faith, that is your endlessness.